When the Fear of Success blocks us…
Can we actually have a Fear of Success?
Success is something that everybody seems to want. Aren’t we all looking to have more, and to improve our lives? Don’t we yearn for Success?
As a child, we dreamed about becoming more, we dreamed big, and we utilised our imaginations to create exciting situations, some of us even had Imaginary Friends to enjoy these adventures with and to share our exciting lives. We could decide on how to bend reality to our wishes.
There were No Limits! Until… until we grew up!
As we grew up, we were told to look at the reality around us, to accept our circumstances, to logically examine situations and not fly too high. There was a set way of going about life, learning a craft or trade, working hard, saving for a rainy day, and if we were lucky, we would have a reasonably comfortable life.
Oftentimes the onus was on intelligence, we were told to study hard, get good grades, apply for, be accepted in, and graduate from the top universities and get a good hefty pay package. Of course, they forgot to tell us about the stresses and strains that responsibilities bring. To their credit, sometimes they did say, “Enjoy these years and enjoy being at school while you can because later life will get tougher.” We didn’t believe them. After all, adults had the power that we as kids did not.
Rare are those people whose lives turn out exactly as expected. There are twists and turns and pretty interesting outcomes that were not in the original plan. We have emotions, which tend to control quite a bit without our being aware of how these drive us and our decisions. In most cases, we are given an eductaion, but we simply aren’t provided with the basics of living well.
The fear of failure, can be a fear of rejection, a fear of not wanting to face others as well as ourselves and the feelings of having failed, of having let someone or ourselves down. Not doing becomes a comfortable way of not having to face those feelings. It is a protective mechanism that keeps us stuck. Fearing success also comes from a primal need to protect ourselves, to ensure stability and security from many points of view including the emotional.
The fear of success coexists along with the fear of failure, and in both cases, fear contributes to freezing us and stops us from trying something new, from taking risks, and stepping out of our comfort zones.
Even though, it seems more logical to fight a fear of something negative, the fear of things positive does exist.
The fear of success actually influences our thoughts, behaviours, actions and decisions in the same way that the fear of failure does; it creates blockages, it stops us from working with Focus in the right direction, from doing what we need to do and from taking the calculated risks that will help launch us into the forefront, push us into playing a bigger game.
Why do we fear something that will improve the quality of our life?
Success means different things to different people. People wish for it and at the same time, in the same breath, they create statements totally denying it; ensuring that they will not reach the levels of success they desire. Why is this so? Where does this particular fear of something positive come from? Is there a way of overcoming this strange fear?
A lot of times, it could be simply of fear of the Unknown. Sometimes not having it as part and parcel of our daily life, we want it in a wishy-washy manner but do not know all that it will bring in its wake. It is uncomfortable.
It is also a fear of Change. We may be, somewhere in the deep recesses of our mind, harbouring the belief that becoming successful may cause us to lose our friends, have less time to spend with our loved ones, have to take on more responsibilities, make more sacrifices to reach those peaks, lose out on the habitual comfort that we are accustomed to, even if we are not currently living in the lap of luxury.
That state of being used to a certain way of living, will definitely be shifted by our climb towards success! Going for Success means moving, it means change, it means momentum, it means becoming comfortable with new things, new ways of thinking, taking on more responsibilities, becoming bigger, having wider shoulders, taking bigger risks, potentially falling harder, learning new skills, managing more, getting more organised, and changing comfortable habits.
Success comes with its own dowry, we feel that it will bring more stress and tension; we will have less time to dedicate to our hobbies and pastimes, even if these may be watching television programmes.
Oftentimes, there is an underlying subconscious belief that rich and successful people are not happy, or that their friendships are based on the money they have instead of real profound human relationships. Let me tell you that this is not simply true. Yes, we do hear about those few whose lives are empty despite having reached the pinnacle of success, but for each one of those, there are plenty who have known how to maintain, create or reach a balance in their life because of or despite of their success, whichever way you look at it. These obviously do not make it to the news, which thrives on reporting the negative and the scandalistic.
Think about it, if you were successful:
What could you do with the money, the power, the prestige and all the trappings of success?
How much good could you distribute into this world?
How many scholarships could you initiate?
How many hospitals could you build or schools for that matter?
How many hungry persons could you feed?
Allow your imagination a session without limits! Dream big!
Know that you can turn that dream into reality.
To do this, you have to overcome your fears; all of them, the fears of failure and that of success. Start with little steps, that will eventually be leaps and bounds. Wear success like a cloak that you don each and every day. Train yourself to celebrate the small victories each and every day. Reprogram your mind to start looking at things from the point of view of somebody who is successful. Embody them. taste success in your imagination before it becomes your reality.
Allow yourself to daydream, to experience the sensations it will bring, the joy of being carefree and the immense freedom it will give you and those close to you. As you learn to enjoy the emotions of the future every day, the fear begins to leave you because you experience the familiarity of being successful every day. It is no longer an unknown!
As we progress through life, we form beliefs and concretise them based on our experiences, unconsciously seeking to confirm what we believe in.
Our body and brain are programmed for our survival. We seek protection as our default. At a basic level survival could easily mean being part of a tribe or community, of being accepted, of getting approval from the leaders and the community at large and this is usually at the level of conformity or fitting in. We begin to align to the unspoken rules of the tribe, how we dress, how we speak how we show up is eventually adapted to the social norms of the tribe. We often learn to compromise and tone down our differences in order to gain this so very important social acceptance.
Success, however, requires us to be different, to overcome that, and to explore the truths within. We all have a built-in ceiling of what we will allow. Explore that. That’s how you step above the upper limits
Yes, we have to overcome the fear of change itself that will be brought about if and when we succeed. Lifestyle, habits, relationships, the demand to raise our standards and skills to handle bigger things, expand our minds more, having to show up, and become more…. to not be able to remain small, to have more responsibility to shoulder are the side effects of progressing into being more.
This is also linked to the fear of loss of who we are, what we know, our familiar security, our habitual comfort.
It is linked to our limiting beliefs about who we are, what we deserve, and our worthiness.
Yes, at times, success can be way scarier than failure! So, let’s not try, failure will make us look bad and if we succeed, OMG, we will then have to live up to new expectations!
However, when we do decide to grow, to play a bigger game, live a grander life, and reach more of our human potential, we look back and ask ourselves why we did not do it earlier!
As a mindfulness practitioner and life-design coach, I help clients focus on well-being and personal growth and make life choices that prioritize their mental and emotional health. This leads to personal freedom and independence allowing the person to blossom and manifest the life they deserve. Connect with me if you are seeking to go forward on your journey.