Understanding Our Innate Trauma Responses: Survive to Thrive!

During my Coaching sessions with clients, I see time and again that what and how they experience childhood events is always the underlying cause of their mindset, hardwired beliefs and limitations.

Our brains and bodies are hardwired with instinctive reactions meant to protect us in times of danger. However, these primal responses don’t always serve us well in the aftermath.

Trauma touches many of our lives, whether from singular events or ongoing stressors that are a result of our beliefs based on how we perceived our experiences as a child and how we continue to filter them as adults.

There are five main reactions or hardwired responses to the trauma that we may experience when faced with traumatic events: fight, flight, freeze, flop, and friend.

These represent our body’s built-in survival mechanisms. However, getting stuck in one of these modes can impede our ability to process and recover from the trauma.

Awareness is key.

1. Fight — When confronted with danger, the fight response kicking in causes us to aggressively resist the threat. Physiologically, the sympathetic nervous system activates. Our heart rate increases, the pupils dilate, and adrenaline surges to make us hypervigilant and prepared to attack. In trauma recovery, residual anger, agitation, and defensiveness can surface if this instinct is not properly addressed. Healthy assertive communication and physical outlets can help transmute fight energy and prevent harming ourselves or others.
2. Flight — Alternatively, we may instinctively flee from a traumatic event or situation. Our parasympathetic nervous system takes over to conserve our energy for escape. Heart rate slows and blood pressure drops. Though retreating to safety is protective at the moment, later tendencies to avoid triggers, withdraw emotionally, or even dissociate from our bodies can stem from unresolved flight reactions. Slowing down, mindfulness exercises, and facing fears in small progressive steps can help overcome these ingrained escape behaviours.
3. Freeze — In some cases, we may freeze in response to threats, like prey playing dead in front of predators and hoping to be spared. Here our body is immobilized, yet internally hormone levels spike. Freezing can aid survival by making us appear non-threatening in the moment. However, longer term it generates feelings of paralysis and helplessness. Releasing stored-up energy through shaking, dancing, or breathwork helps “unfreeze” us as does inviting manageable doses of fear exposure to rebuild our tolerance.
4. Flop — Also called “feigning death”, the flop response is a resigned surrender to the traumatic event, due to perceiving no possibility of escape. Physically, our nervous system depresses and we tend to dissociate. We grow lethargic, numb, and emotionally flattened. Healing involves recognizing areas of passivity and reclaiming our sense of empowerment. Once we realize we have options, flop gives way to fight, flight, or freeze exits from the trauma itself or related reminders.
5. Friend — The friend response is a newer discovery. If social support is available during a trauma, we may harness it as a coping mechanism. Seeking proximity and comfort from trusted others activates oxytocin and our body’s caregiving impulses. This bonds us together to withstand threats. Later, understanding this innate need to connect makes clear why rebuilding relationships and community aids trauma recovery. We heal best when surrounded by “friends” offering companionship and compassion.

Photo by jens holm on Unsplash

Further, Complex Developmental Trauma has seven primary domains of impairment:

While single traumatic incidents evoke these instinctive reactions temporarily, complex trauma, especially in childhood, can disrupt many aspects of development and functioning long-term. “Complex trauma” results from recurrent exposure to extreme external stressors and disturbances like abuse, neglect, violence, loss, and family dysfunction.

Without consistent love, protection, and nurturing during vulnerable developmental windows, trauma becomes engrained within the mind and body.

Healing becomes an ongoing process to address these deeper wounds holistically.

Over the years, researchers have identified seven primary areas of impairment in those who endured complex childhood trauma:

1. Attachment — Healthy attachment with responsive, attuned caregivers provides children with the security and regulation needed to grow into well-functioning adults. Complex trauma disrupts healthy attachment bonds and interpersonal relating skills. As adults, establishing trust, intimacy, appropriate boundaries, and steadiness within relationships remain challenging due to these early attachment disruptions. Ongoing therapeutic work, group support, and practising new relational behaviours help earn secure attachment.
2. Biology — Toxic stress in childhood literally alters brain structure and functioning, nervous system regulation, and the endocrine system, which controls hormones. These biological changes underlie many ongoing post-traumatic symptoms like hypervigilance, anxiety, digestive issues, sleep problems, emotional dysregulation, and chronic pain. While the system damage perhaps cannot be undone, lifestyle and medical interventions can improve quality of life by optimizing diet, exercise, stress reduction, and sleep hygiene. Epigenetics offers new methodologies to heal biologically.
3. Affect Regulation — We learn to identify and modulate our emotions in healthy ways largely through early caregiving relationships. When caregivers do not help regulate big feelings, traumatic stress overwhelms the child’s developing nervous system. Impairments in recognizing, expressing, and managing emotional states persist into adulthood. Thus mood instability, outbursts, and unhealthy coping habits like substance abuse manifest unless the capacity to self-regulate is strengthened. This is achievable through therapeutic processing, practising distress tolerance, and utilizing self-soothing techniques.
4. Dissociation — To mentally “escape” overwhelming abuse or neglect as children, many trauma survivors learn to dissociate from intolerable reality. They may detach from their surroundings, bodies, identities, memories, or emotions. Dissociation can aid survival at the time, but later manifests as amnesia, depersonalization, zoning out, or feeling disoriented. Slowly confronting suppressed memories or feelings with professional support can help integrate dissociated parts. Grounding exercises reconnect us when dissociation occurs.
5. Behavioural Regulation — Traumatized children often exhibit disruptive behaviours like aggression, oppositional defiance, impulsivity, and self-harm stemming from their developmental injuries. Caregivers and society respond punitively, instilling chronic shame which is the worst possible method of dealing with the victim. Compassionate understanding of the root causes allows more adaptive behavioural patterns to be formed over time. This requires ongoing work enhancing self-awareness, communication skills, appropriate emotional expression, and conflict-resolution abilities.
6. Cognition — Trauma severely impacts learning processes in childhood. Extreme or chronic stress impedes brain areas governing cognition, like speech/language skills, memory, sequencing and planning, processing speed, attention, and cognitive flexibility. Academic and occupational difficulties tend to result, exacerbated by a lack of enrichment in unstable environments. Remediation should emphasize cognitive rehabilitation to support daily functioning and quality of life. Though early delays may not be fully recouped, compensatory strategies can be learned.
7. Self-Concept — When prevented from safely exploring their emerging identities within the family unit, traumatized children often develop fragmented, distorted self-perceptions like feeling defective, worthless, guilty, or fundamentally flawed. Internalizing the shame and blame of others leads to chronically low self-esteem. Restoring an accurate self-concept requires correcting cognitive distortions about self-blame as well as discovering self-worth through valued identities and roles.

In short, childhood complex trauma casts long and dark shadows, disrupting biological and psychological growth across many domains, which persists into adulthood unless taken care of.

However, there is always good news! Through a compassionate understanding of trauma responses and impaired areas, well-targeted interventions can remediate these issues and open pathways to post-traumatic growth.

With time, patience, love, support, and skill building, those burdened by complex trauma can hope to lead fulfilling lives marked by health, happiness, and wisdom born of survival.

Here are some ways to heal the impacts of trauma:

Trauma leaves lasting impacts on our minds and bodies. Healing is possible but requires time, courage, and proper support. Be patient and compassionate with yourself through the journey.

Seeking professional counselling can help process traumatic memories and emotions safely. Support groups connect us with others who understand our struggles. Alternative modalities like EMDR, somatic therapies, art, or animal therapy complement talk therapy. Try them out and see what works best for you.

Daily self-care practices are key. Tend to your nervous system through relaxation techniques, mindfulness, exercise, healthy eating, nature time, and restorative sleep. Reduce stressors when possible.

Release painful emotions through writing, crying, shaking/movement, or creative outlets. Support your recovery by avoiding negative coping mechanisms like isolation, risky behaviours, or substance abuse.

Make time for yourself. Participate intentionally and schedule enjoyable activities that boost moods, like hobbies, socializing, music, or humour.

Shift your Perspective. Move into appreciation of what is good in your life. Count your blessings and be grateful, instead of suffering from disempowering comparisonitis. It is impossible to be grateful and sad at the same time!

Foster connections. You are not alone and you need not walk alone. Help others when you can and you will find yourself being uplifted. Small acts of service, courage, or gratitude compound into a very meaningful and fulfilled life.

Be attuned to yourself. Be aware and vigilant yet patient with yourself. Healing Complex trauma takes time and daily commitment, but deeper purpose and meaning will emerge when you continue taking purposeful steps in the direction of healing and wholesomeness.

As a mindfulness practitioner and life-design coach, I help clients focus on well-being and personal growth and make life choices that prioritize their mental and emotional health. This leads to personal freedom and independence allowing the person to blossom and manifest the life they deserve. Connect with me if you are seeking to go forward on your journey.