The Mirror Effect: You Are the Average of Your Inner Circle
Do you know that you are the average of the people you spend the most time with?
My life was different earlier, very different from what it is now. It was less vibrant, with less fulfilment, joy and satisfaction as compared to today. Why?
I was once amongst people who complained, were addicted to drama, got excited about gossip and scandal and would not stop discussing the catastrophic events taking place around the world. I was part and parcel of the company I kept and suffered the consequences while I benefitted from belonging to ‘the tribe’.
Fortunately, it didn’t take me too long to realize that I wasn’t getting anywhere and what’s more, my nervous system could not take the constant drama and emotional turmoil. I wasn’t even interested in what was taking place on screen, in the news or in the lives of someone I had no real or tangible connection to. I was bored with the petty and mundane conversations and longed to explore more, I longed for the deep conversations which I used to have with my friends and peers at university, about humans and their emotions and beliefs, about history and the development of the human race, about literature and poetry, theology and mythology, about the lost world of Atlantis, the ancient civilizations, about how the pyramids were built, the Universe, the planets, new discoveries, and so much more but I didn't have access to circles which discussed things beyond the mundane and the superficial.
I realised that I was slowly shrivelling away, losing my neurons faster than the number of times the same news stories would flash on the screen. It wasn’t a good place to recognize oneself in! It was time to change myself and the company I kept.
The idea that we conform to who we spend the most time with is often attributed to motivational speaker Jim Rohn, one of my favourite mentors. It isn’t his alone as many wise people have observed and commented about this. Several key principles related to personal development and life design are encapsulated here. Another thing that hit me was that ‘You cannot spend time clucking around with chickens if you wish to soar with the eagles.’
My life began to change as I began to change those I surrounded myself with. I looked around and could not find the circle I wanted, so I began with choosing my company through books and online mentors, eventually finding amazing people in real life, wonderfully encouraging and supportive friends and mentors!
Our behaviours, attitudes, failures and even our success are influenced by the people we spend the most time with. This means we need to choose our social circle wisely to support personal growth and positive transformation.
Attitudes are contagious. Behaviours are contagious. Beliefs are contagious.
Influence by Association: We humans are prone to adapt to our surroundings. The people around you will have a significant impact on your lifestyle, mindset, beliefs, and actions. If you spend time with individuals who are ambitious, positive, and driven, you’re more likely to adopt similar qualities and behaviours. If you’re in the midst of whiners, you will eventually become a chronic complainer. Just as water finds its level, we humans find ours, wherever we are. Check if you’re plugged into the right system!
Peer Pressure: Human beings are social creatures, and we tend to conform to the norms and values of our social groups. If your close associates have healthy habits, you are more likely to adopt those habits as well. On the contrary, those with less palatable habits will pull you down.
Shared Values and Goals: When your inner circle shares similar values and aspirations, it creates a supportive environment for personal growth. Collective goals and values inspire and motivate each member to strive for their best. It is normal for people who do not have the same aims to eventually fall back.
Learning and Inspiration: Interacting with people who possess skills, knowledge, or experiences you lack leads to personal development. It exposes you to new perspectives and opportunities for learning and shortens your own learning curve.
Accountability: Being surrounded by people who hold you accountable for your goals and actions is a powerful motivator. When you are part of a group striving for similar objectives, you are more likely to stay committed and on track.
Energy and Emotions: The emotional energy of those around you influences your mood and outlook. Positive and supportive friends boost your optimism, while negative influences bring you down.
Today I recognize the importance of consciously choosing my social circle. It is an essential aspect of helping my clients design lives aligned with their goals and values. Encouraging them to evaluate and, if necessary, adjust their associations is an extremely valuable step in their personal development journey.
Look around you. Are people supporting you or discouraging you?
When you understand the importance of cultivating a positive and empowering environment, look around yourself. If you find that some individuals around you are discouraging or unsupportive, it is time to:
- Assess Your Relationships: Reflect on your relationships and their dynamics. Identify who genuinely supports your journey and who may be less supportive. You will be surprised at what you find when you focus on this!
- Open and transparent Communication: If you feel that someone important to you, or someone close to you is discouraging or unsupportive, it may be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with them. Share your goals, aspirations, and the importance of their support in your life. Seek to understand their point of view. Perhaps their fears are driving them to hold you back!
- Seek Supportive Connections: Surround yourself with individuals who share your vision and values. Seek out like-minded people who can provide encouragement and motivation. This is powerful in taking you forward.
- Set Boundaries: Establish strong boundaries with individuals who consistently discourage or hinder your progress. It is essential to protect your mental and emotional well-being. Sometimes it is even necessary to remove people from your life.
- Practice Self-Care: Make time for self-care and invest in self-development. Cultivating inner strength and resilience helps you stay focused on your goals, regardless of external influences.
It is important to evaluate the people around you and their impact on your life. Are they supporting your goals and aspirations, or are they discouraging you?
Keep in mind that nobody is your responsibility and you are not someone else’s responsibility. You have to do your own life’s work. Surrounding yourself with a supportive and positive network that inspires and uplifts you influences your personal growth and well-being and you owe it to yourself to choose the company you keep very carefully!
As a mindfulness practitioner and life-design coach, I help clients focus on well-being and personal growth and make life choices that prioritize their mental and emotional health. I work with them to resolve confidence issues and Imposter Syndrome. This leads to personal freedom and independence allowing the person to blossom and manifest the life they deserve. If you’re looking to expand your horizons and/or overcome issues, connect with me.