“The Freedom of Letting Go: How Opening Your Hands Releases Your Heart”
A tight fist holds little and lets fall what would be bestowed upon an open hand!
A few years ago I was in Paris at dinner with some clients from the world of fashion. One of their subordinates had recently left them to open up a business in competition with theirs. The Japanese owner was saying that although the young man had left them and taken away some of his clients, he wished him well nonetheless because everyone deserves a chance. He had felt a little setback but had faith that his business would remain strong and he wasn’t going to hold on to the past or feel any resentment towards the ex-employee. He spoke about holding things loosely in life. This resonated with my philosophy about keeping our hands open and allowing things, situations and people to come and go.
The Freedom and Power of an Open Hand
A tight fist holds precious little while an open hand not only holds more but also receives and gives! In Eastern traditions, blessings and food in the temples are received with cupped open hands and alms are given by cupping the open hands together and tilting them forward.
The metaphor of opening one’s hands represents releasing control and being receptive to receiving whatever comes with an open heart. By loosening the grip on specific desired outcomes, we free ourselves from disappointment and find peace in the blessings of the present moment.
Having unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment. I would say, it is natural to have some kind of expectations but being too attached to them is a sure road to constant disappointment and delusion.
There is a sense of liberation that comes from an attitude of openness, allowing life to unfold with its uncertainties and surprises and flowing with it all. A gentler and more joyful way to look at life is being flexible, open and detached while enjoying whatever comes our way like this fabulous Himalayan dusk I captured on one of my walks.
The main key is flexibility — being open to life’s unpredictability. When we let go of needing a certain outcome, of wanting to control our lives, we free ourselves to appreciate whatever unfolds. It allows us to find joy in the present moment and I can tell you from experience that this is true!
I read this somewhere ‘My life didn’t turn out as planned and that’s okay.’ I love this because it gives us the power of acceptance, of being okay with whatever comes and whatever goes.
An open hand versus a closed fist
Try clenching your fists tightly for a few long moments and observe what happens to you, be aware of your breathing and other sensations. Now, open your hands and observe yourself. How is your breathing? How do you feel overall?
Clenching our fists represents trying to control life’s direction. It conveys tension, pressure, anger and sometimes desperation. Hands clenched tightly in frustration or fear signify a stubborn attempt to impose our will despite contrary evidence. This rigid clinging to expectations only brings anxiety, disappointment, and a feeling of being trapped.
Alternatively, opening our hands represents receptivity to life’s twists and turns. It conveys flexibility, calmness, confidence and trust. Open hands allow us to welcome unexpected changes without resistance. Life may redirect our course, but it cannot easily thwart us if we are receptive and adaptable. With openness, we retain the freedom to pivot when life shifts in unexpected ways.
By releasing rigid expectations, we open our hands to the myriad of possibilities that life offers us. I am not advocating giving up agency or resolve; we can be aware and steer ourselves admirably while accepting that sometimes storms will blow us off course. With acceptance and openness to whatever arises, we realign ourselves, remove resistance and flow with the constantly changing nature and rhythm of life.
“Expectation is the root of all heartache.” — William Shakespeare
This quote from Shakespeare beautifully sums up how attaching ourselves too tightly to expectations is a source of suffering. Letting go of needing certain outcomes, opens us to peace and joy.
It is human nature to hope that things to go a certain way. Plans can change and life surprises us at every turn. When we hold expectations too tightly, we miss out on seeing the beauty in what actually is unfolding for us.
The next key is to balance hope with flexibility, passion with peace, and hard work with inner stillness. Sounds like a tall order right? However, it is possible to achieve it step by step. Almost anything is possible with baby steps!
Learning the art of managing expectations is important for your well-being. Keep an open mind and more so an open heart. Give your best in all you do without demanding results.
‘Do your duty, but do not concern yourself with the results. The fruits of your actions are not for your enjoyment,’ says The Bhagwad Gita a beautiful and immensely profound text from the Hindu traditions.
To perform actions is an integral part of human nature. Having come into this world, we all have various duties determined by our family situation, social position, occupation, etc. While performing these actions, we must remember that we are not the enjoyers of the results — the results are meant for the pleasure of God. This is a powerful reminder to set our ego aside and live with detachment to the outcome. The fact is that when we are unconcerned about the results, we are able to focus on our efforts, and the result is even better!
Trust that life has goodness in store, in ways you can’t predict. We are too limited in our thinking to even begin to comprehend the vastity of the design of life!
Learn to be at peace with uncertainty despite your need for security. Know that you have value, regardless of achievements. Your worth isn’t tied to specific outcomes. It comes from within.
“Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.” — Anonymous
This quote above reminds us that our self-worth does not depend on external validation or recognition from others. Even if someone fails to see our value, it does not diminish who we are or what we bring to the world. Our worth is inherent and not contingent on other people’s opinions or treatment of us.
Have faith in your own intrinsic value regardless of circumstances or how others perceive or label you.
Our sense of self-worth comes from living authentically and sharing our gifts, not from seeking approval. Know that no matter what happens, you have value. Your worth is never in question. You are loved and belong here. Keep sharing your gifts, and you do have plenty of them, through each rise and fall.
So stay hopeful, but loosen your grip on expectations. Meet each day with curiosity about what it might bring. There is wonder waiting if you give it a chance. For some more inspiration on your journey, you might wish to study what the Buddha left behind.
“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.” — Buddha
Buddha or the Enlightened One, reminds us that outer conditions cannot provide lasting peace or fulfilment. It comes from nurturing inner qualities like acceptance, compassion, and gratitude. Happiness is available right here and now, not contingent on specific expectations being met. There’s no destination which will take us there, the path we trudge or skip through daily is the way! Don’t be so focused on the destination that you miss the gifts along the journey.
You have the power to shape your experience by how you choose to see things. Appreciate what is, rather than focusing on what isn’t. Life offers endless gifts if we open our eyes to receive them.
It’s so very easy for us to fall in love with and get attached to our plans and desires. Rigidity, however, blocks out new possibilities. Staying open and adaptable allows life to surprise you.
A humorous acronym for this is NATO or Not Attached to Outcome.
When things don’t go as expected, see it as an opportunity to practice acceptance. Hardships often prepare us for better things ahead, they do make us stronger. Trust in your resilience. Growth comes when we embrace the twists and turns of life.
My reader and friend, you have dreams worth fighting for, worth giving your all for. But, while pursuing them, don’t let them blind you to the beauty around you right now, to this very moment. Give gratitude for this moment, just as it is. Happiness is found here and now, not in some distant ideal future.
Focus more on giving than getting. Find ways to lift up others. In blessing others, we are blessed. We get by giving.
“Life is available only in the present moment. If you abandon the present moment, you cannot live the moments of your daily life deeply.” — Thich Nhat Hanh
Thich Nhat Hanh, a humble and very influential Buddhist monk who has inspired so many people, encourages being present and appreciative of each moment, rather than focusing on the future. True life and peace are found in the here and now.
My hope for you is peace — with where you are, as you are. May you keep growing through all life brings. Trust in the goodness that is ready to meet you at every turn. Be gentle with yourself and watch for delight in the everyday. You’ve got this!
As a mindfulness practitioner and life-design coach, I help clients focus on well-being and personal growth and make life choices that prioritise their mental and emotional health. I work with them to resolve confidence issues and Imposter Syndrome. This leads to personal freedom and independence allowing the person to blossom and manifest the life they deserve. If you’re looking to expand your horizons and/or overcome issues, connect with me.