The Experience of Negative Emotions vs. The Observance of Them
A young lady asked me today — ‘What is the difference between having negative emotions and observing them?’
Here are a few observations from our discussion:
Negative emotions like anger, sadness, fear, and anxiety are an inherent part of the human experience. At one point or another, we’ve all felt them and been in their thrall. However, there is a crucial difference between having or being consumed by a negative emotion, and simply observing that emotion arise within you.
From a psychological perspective, when we are in the grip of a powerful negative emotion, it can feel all-consuming. The emotion triggers physiological changes like increased heart rate, tightening of muscles, and churning in the gut. Our thoughts become clouded and irrational, and fixated on whatever is causing the anger, sadness, etc. We are essentially fused with and identified with the emotion itself.
This emotional state causes something called cognitive narrowing or tunnelling, where our perspective becomes extremely narrow and restricted, focused myopically on the trigger for the emotion. We lose access to the broader context, perspective and our wise mind. We are in a reactive mode driven by the primitive limbic system of the brain rather than the more evolved pre-frontal cortex that governs reasoning and decision-making.
When we are fused with a negative and unhealthy emotion in this way, we are much more likely to act rashly in ways that we may later regret — lashing out in anger, catastrophizing about something that triggers fear, or falling into rumination and self-pity about what is making us sad or anxious. We are not in a good space to make wise choices or take appropriate action.
In contrast, the observance of negative emotions from a place of mindful awareness is quite different both psychologically and neurologically. Rather than being fused with and overwhelmed by the emotion, there is a sense of detachment. We are disidentifying from it, and observing it almost as if from a slight distance as a passing internal experience.
From this perspective of mindful awareness, we can recognize, “Oh, there is anger arising” or “there are anxious feelings coming up” without getting engulfed by them. We can notice the bodily sensations, the thoughts, and the urge to act a certain way, but we don’t necessarily have to act on them or let the emotion run the show.
Neurologically, this state involves activation of the pre-frontal cortex and the ability to be more self-aware and self-monitoring. We can observe our inner experience with more objectivity and clarity rather than just reacting automatically. We don’t control or suppress the emotions, but we don’t get swept away by them either.
This stance of observing allows us to consciously find wise and skillful responses rooted in our values rather than being hijacked by the reactive emotion itself. Perhaps we still need to set a boundary, resolve a conflict, or take action on something causing stress — but from a place of mindful awareness, we are more likely to do so in a balanced, regulated way rather than acting out destructively.
The practice of mindfulness, rooted in ancient contemplative traditions but now widely studied in psychology and neuroscience, is essentially about cultivating this ability to observe our thoughts, emotions and sensations as passing phenomena in the field of awareness, rather than becoming fused with them.
By developing this skill, we can step out of our normal patterns of automatic reactivity. Difficult emotions are experienced as waves that will crest and recede rather than overwhelming forces we must resist or suppress. We create an inner buffer, some space around the emotions that allows greater freedom and choice in how we relate to them.
Mindfulness practices like meditation, body awareness exercises, and consciously attuning to the present moment all help build this muscle of dis-identifying with thoughts and emotions rather than being possessed by them. Numerous studies show this form of self-observance and emotion regulation can reduce depression, anxiety, and emotional reactivity and improve decision-making.
There is wisdom in our emotions, even difficult ones. Emotions convey important information and meaning. The anger may indicate a transgression that needs addressing or it may be even a form of grief which has not been addressed. The sadness may be about something meaningful that was lost. The key is being able to experience the emotion, and listen to its message, but not necessarily enact it in a blind reactive manner.
By cultivating the ability to observe and witness our emotional experiences with acceptance and non-judgment, we can make room for the full range of human emotions, even the most difficult ones, while still maintaining an inner locus of calm awareness from which we can respond with wisdom and intentionality rather than blind reactivity.
To sum it up, having negative emotions means being fused with and consumed by them, identified with the passing storm and we may even delay its passing!
Observing them means maintaining a sense of perspective, recognizing the emotions as transient visitors, passing like waves through the sea of our awareness.
The former leaves us at the mercy of turbulent emotional forces. The latter allows us to still experience the richness of human feeling while responding to those feelings with greater choice, presence and alignment with our deepest values and wisdom. It is a skill that can be cultivated through the practice of mindfulness and one that leads to greater well-being, resilience and psychological freedom.
As a mindfulness practitioner and life-design coach, I help clients focus on well-being and personal growth and make life choices that prioritize their mental and emotional health. This leads to personal freedom and independence allowing the person to blossom and manifest the life they deserve. Connect with me if you are seeking to go forward on your journey.