The concept of Personal Space
We are in constant communication with each other and our environs on multiple levels. Studies have shown that our tone of voice and body language add more meaning than the words we use.
Our body language is stronger most times than our verbal language and we are programmed to behave and conduct ourselves in an appropriate manner in different situations. Most of this is part of our family background, our cultural values and traditional environment. Over these, are laid on, our personal preferences.
These rules are inbuilt into the way we show up i.e. largely unconscious. Have you ever found yourself instantly disliking someone for how they show up and act, without knowing or realising why? This is because somewhere they are contrasting your inner beliefs about how a pleasant person should show up and conduct themselves. Perhaps they are too “loud” for you, regardless of how good they are. On the contrary, they could be too “soft” for your liking, regardless of how elegant they are.
By being aware of your own rules, as well as keenly observing those of others, you can create rapport with anyone with ease.
All humans have a sense of personal space. This may depend on their culture, familial upbringing and also whether they are of the same or of different sex.
Beyond this, each person will have their own personal and essential requirements to feel safe and comfortable. Misunderstanding these requirements can lead to disaster, because of your unwittingly breaking strong personal rules of space.
A personal space bubble is what we require around ourselves to feel at ease and we like to be the ones to decide who we will share it with and to what degree.
You can easily see a child squirming in an overbearing embrace or a non-appreciated, forced pat on the head. The child is expressing their preferences and must not be forced to endure what is effectively an invasion of their persona.
How much space do you need to feel comfortable around people?
How can you respect other people’s needs?
Simply by being more aware and observing, something we have been programmed to unconsciously do all our lives.
People are sending out non-verbal communication at all times, through body-language cues. If someone gets too close to you, observe your reaction. Try doing the same with others. Good communicators have honed this skill of adapting themselves to best reflect the needs of others without being invasive.
Familial relationships, close friendships, and intimate relationships will usually allow for more sharing and smaller personal space bubbles. Business relationships, acquaintances and strangers will certainly be different. This is all so evident when people are forced to share a small place in an elevator and will usually avoid eye contact or keep it neutral and polite.
When dealing with new relationships, in whatever arena, be super-attentive and trust your instincts about the appropriate distance to keep. You’ll get lots of non-verbal signals that will either invite you to close the gap, increase or maintain the distance.
Even long-standing, close and relatively intimate relationships are dynamic, never static. Needs evolve and change in each moment. Capturing the signals given, helps us nurture the relationship.
Respecting people’s space allows for trust to be built. Being aware of the signals they send out and adapting to them, allows for long-term relationships to flourish.