Reflections upon conformity

“Do not adapt to the energy in the room, Influence the energy in the room.”

Like a lot of people, I was brought up to adapt, to fit in, to conform to expectations, to socio-cultural and traditional norms, the dictates of society, family rules and regulations, a healthy respect for authority and governance, obedience towards elders, etc.

However, like any child, my innocent mind noted the discrepancies between the Said and the Done, the different measures and standards utilised on different occasions and circumstances, and I questioned them, or at times DID as I saw done, often to get, as a result, a really sound thrashing at the worst or a tongue lashing at the least with a shrug of the shoulders and a, “You will understand when you grow up,” somewhere in between.

I learned to adapt and avoid the unpleasantness of confrontation and began to abhor violence in any form. I became a model of the girl well mannered, respectful and obedient, reliable to a fault; intelligent in terms of scholastic IQ, amazingly good at studies despite handicaps and in general approved of because of conforming to what was expected by the elders and authority figures.

It is akin to nature bestowing upon some creatures the gift of blending into the environment as a protection against predators to ensure survival. We humans also master the art of camouflage, we learn to subdue ourselves and become a nondescript and useful part of the tribe.

However, as a result, you can imagine that I did have some confusion in my mind, to say the least, because as I grew up and went through different life experiences, I realised that somehow the same set of rules for life that I had been given did not quite work effectively. My high intelligence, so well referenced and quoted, somehow failed to get me where I wanted to go, despite the fantastic grades and even as a young adult I was seeking reference points to anchor my experiences on; something a little beyond the beautiful values, ethics and morals that had nonetheless been instilled into me. Something somewhere was amiss, although nailing it was quite another ballgame, the rules of which I did not seem to know.

Some part of me knew that I could be even more useful by abandoning the mimetic and limited colours that were not even mine to start with!

Fortunately, I have a curious mind and am a sponge for information. Bit by bit, I began to get myself and different kind of education, putting together information, analysing it, discarding the bits that did not seem to work, adding some more, making adjustments, creating new ideas to experiment with, falling flat on my face and starting all over again on a seemingly eternal jigsaw. Today, I know that it is eternal!

Sometimes, rather more often than not, it is tough to discard ideas and beliefs regarding what has been pivotal in shaping your life.

It has been quite a journey as I have moved from discarding lower truths or deeply held beliefs for higher truths or newer more encompassing and compassionate beliefs.

It has been quite a passage into moving from being a conformist to allowing my inner rebel the freedom to do as it will, without a completely tipping the balance and/or flipping my lid (at least long-term)!

So, where once upon a time I was happy to adapt to the energy of the room, to adroitly gauge the atmosphere and not create too much of a fuss, to blend in rather than stand out, as I grow older I fall in love, more and more, with wanting to influence the energy of a room, to create movement where there is bored stagnancy, to ask questions, to turn it towards the more positive, uplifting, inspiring, motivating, to pushing everyone around to be their best and strive yet for being better still.

Today, I am more inclined to choose selectively the rooms that I will frequent and to unleash the maximum of what I have in that moment. The idea is to leave a distinct sense of pleasantness, curiosity, inquisitiveness; to make people realise that there can be more, if one so chooses.

We do not need to be experts, luminaries, famous, published authors, artists and what not. All that we need is consistent work on ourselves and the decision to make it happen.

Do not adapt to the energy in the room, Influence the energy in the room.

If not always, at least from time to glorious time, to start with!