Living a Lie: The Hidden Toll of Inauthentic Living
“The biggest cause of stress is inauthenticity.”
“Loss of authenticity is a significant cause of illness, both physical and mental. Most of our tensions and stresses come from compulsive needs to act the role of someone we are not.” Dr. Hans Selye Tan, S. Y., & Yip, A. (2018). Hans Selye (1907–1982): Founder of the stress theory. Singapore Medical Journal, 59(4), 170–171.
Today we live in a fast-paced world, and societal expectations leave us lagging behind as regards the pursuit of authenticity, leading to a widespread phenomenon of inauthentic living. We are living according to what is expected of us, in conformity to the different hats we wear, and the masks we must put on to be accepted in those roles.
Take a brief moment to think about your own roles and see if you feel that you are living in alignment with who you are deep inside and not who you’re supposed to show up as!
This crucial disconnect between who we are and who we portray ourselves to be can have profound implications for our mental and physical well-being, culminating in a silent but pervasive stress epidemic which is making us sick and slowly killing us.
Let us try and delve into the intricacies of inauthenticity and its detrimental effects, supported by some real-life examples.
The Facade of Perfection
One common manifestation of inauthenticity is the relentless and often energy-sapping pursuit of perfection, which keeps us in an endless loop of trying to keep up with our ideals or those of someone else and not ever reaching them. We put on masks of professionalism, competence and infallibility, projecting an image of success to the world. Yet, we grapple with self-doubt and fear of judgment behind this facade. The Imposter Syndrome looms large and grips our veins. This incongruence between our external image and internal struggles can generate chronic worry about not being ready and chronic stress. For instance, consider the high-achieving executive who presents a flawless image to colleagues but is plagued by imposter syndrome, constantly fearing exposure.
Have you ever found yourself feeling the same? I know I have.
The Weight of Suppressed Emotions
Suppressing our true emotions is another breeding ground for stress. ‘Men don’t cry’ is something I heard growing up and seeing men cry was quite a surprise. It took me a while to understand that they are human too with human emotions! When we hide our feelings to maintain a veneer of strength or positivity, we accumulate emotional baggage. This emotional incongruity can lead to anxiety and even depression over time. Think about the person who always smiles and exudes positivity, yet harbours deep sadness or frustration behind closed doors, unknowingly carrying the weight of concealed emotions. They may be harbouring a belief that if they show their vulnerable side, people will shun them or not want to be with someone who is sad. This isn’t a call for showering everyone you know with your heavy emotions, but know that there is a way out, in fact there are many ways to regulate your emotions and help is available.
The Social Media Paradox
In the age of social media, people show their best sides, even highly photoshopped or portray completely fake situations, simply to keep the popularity ratings going. The pressure to maintain a curated online persona amplifies inauthenticity. Many individuals showcase only the highlights of their lives, omitting their struggles and imperfections. This culture of comparison may create stress as we believe our lives should mirror these idealized versions we see online. This is especially true of the younger segment of our society. For example, someone constantly posting pictures of luxurious vacations and extravagant meals may be drowning in financial stress behind the scenes, striving to keep up appearances.
Authenticity: The Liberating Path towards the Self
Embracing authenticity means acknowledging our humanness, imperfections, and vulnerabilities, expressing genuine emotions, and aligning our actions with our words and our deeply held values. We can accept that imperfections, mistakes and failures are all part of the human experience. Even the people we often idolize are human. By accepting ourselves as we are, where we are and knowing that we are doing the best we can at the moment, we can reduce stress. We can strive to become more aware and intentional, to learn and grow and be better than who we were and show up each day with intention.
I read this phrase somewhere and it resonates with me: ‘By being authentic, we give permission to others to be authentic as well!’
The Authenticity Advantage: Reducing Stress and Embracing Well-Being
Inauthenticity is the unspoken root cause of the stress epidemic plaguing modern society. Through awareness, introspection and self-acceptance, we can break free from the shackles of inauthentic living. In our authenticity, we find natural strength, resilience, energy, freedom and the key to a more fulfilling life.
Figure out who you are, what are your values, what drives you, what excites you, and what brings you joy. Tune into your thoughts and emotions and see what brings you peace. Seek out your identity beyond what you have built based on the expectations of society. Find out who you are and stay true to yourself, have the courage of your convictions, be willing to stand up for what you believe in and in alignment forge your powerful shield against the hidden perils of stress. Authenticity becomes your path to greater well-being.
As a mindfulness practitioner and life-design coach, I help clients focus on well-being and personal growth and make life choices that prioritize their mental and emotional health. I work with them to resolve confidence issues and Imposter Syndrome. This leads to personal freedom and independence allowing the person to blossom and manifest the life they deserve. If you’re looking to expand your horizons and/or overcome issues, connect with me.