Breaking the Chains of Conditioning: A Journey from Childhood to Adult Healing
While growing up, have you ever said that you would never ever be like your mother or father or some adult around you, only to find yourself, much to your surprise and sometimes even disgust, emulating exactly those behaviours which you abhorred?
Sometimes, we are not even aware that we have actually become almost carbon copies of the adults around us during our childhood!
Look around you and see if you can identify someone who is manifesting the exact behaviours of their parents, down to the same words, body language and tone of voice.
You must have sometimes remarked or heard something like, ‘Mark is just like his father or Marie is so similar to her mom.’ The phenomenon gets acuter as we age!
I would like to emphasize once again that our early childhood experiences have a profound influence on our adult lives, despite what happens to us later on in life. We are shaped by them and sometimes we may not like what we are shaped into and can have trouble accepting and loving ourselves. In order to outgrow these traits we have to realize the importance of self-awareness and intentional transformation.
Awareness is always the first step towards change of any kind.
Research in neuroscience has shown that children, especially those under the age of seven, often operate in theta brainwave states. These states are associated with a high level of suggestibility, almost a hypnotic trance and provide the ability to absorb information from their surroundings. During this period, children are like sponges, absorbing the behaviours, beliefs, and emotional patterns they observe in their family and environment.
This is the basic formation of blueprints for life. The observations and experiences during this critical period become the “blueprints” for how individuals perceive themselves and the world. This is the stage of seeking meaning and forming beliefs about relationships, self-worth, career aspirations, financial attitudes, and even health-related behaviours, which will subconsciously drive them and make or break them.
However, you may also notice that two children in the same family may perceive things differently and take totally different paths. This is because they have formed different meanings to the situations, and their filters of perception are different. Even the messages they get can be totally different!
I had asked myself this question decades ago, about why my sibling and I had totally different approaches to life and as a result different outcomes!
Today I also know that parents are at different stages of their own journey as they cope with the challenges of parenting. They can be over-protective of the firstborn and ease up with the children who come later. They may be struggling financially when they have the first child, whose needs are then neglected or suppressed because of a lack of resources. The eldest one may also be burdened with helping manage the rest and become a caregiver while still a child requiring care themselves and the youngest may enjoy a more relaxed style of parenting. These will all affect the worldview of the child.
Where do you stand in your family? How are your siblings different from you?
Many of these early blueprints are inherited from family and generational patterns. Our parents learned from theirs and so on going backwards into the past. These patterns often shape a person’s conditioned default responses and reactions to life’s challenges and opportunities.
It is the foundation for unconscious programming. The subconscious mind holds these early blueprints, and people may find themselves repeating patterns and reacting to life events without conscious awareness of why they do so. This can cause feelings of being stuck in repetitive and often self-sabotaging behaviours seemingly without solutions. The interesting fact is that these patterns persist even when the world has changed. When the original beliefs and patterns were formed generations ago, they were relevant and the situation is no longer the same as before so neither is their relevance. Yet, they persist!
Take some time to think carefully about how many beliefs you hold which probably come from a few generations gone by! These could be related to money, your home, your choice of a life partner, how to bring up your children, education, job security and so on…
In cases where you and your basic needs as a defenceless child dependent on the adults around you, whether physical or emotional, were neglected while you were growing up, the issues become even more complicated and serious. Childhood trauma will haunt you in adulthood unless you realise it and actively participate in your own healing. What’s worse, you will unconsciously pass it on to the children around you!
Think back to your childhood and see where, and on what occasions you were confused by the words and actions of the adults around you.
Experiences of neglect or abuse during formative years can cast long shadows, shaping emotional and psychological well-being well into adulthood. Childhood neglect can erode your sense of self-worth and security, leaving lasting scars that affect relationships, self-esteem, and overall mental health. This is not a call for blaming the adults in your life as a child, it is simply a point for reflection. Those adults did the best they could with what they had. In most cases, they too were responding to their own upbringing in a subconscious manner.
We mimic and play out what we learn unless we stop and reflect!
Awakening to the influence of these subconscious patterns is a pivotal step. It involves recognizing that these patterns are not one’s fault but are the result of early conditioning. This awareness is the first step towards reprogramming ourselves with a more empowering mindset and more supportive beliefs.
There are many transformative techniques like hypnosis, guided meditations and emotional detachment techniques to name a few, which are powerful tools for reprogramming the subconscious mind. They help individuals become more aware of their thoughts and emotions, identify and challenge negative or limiting beliefs, and replace them with more empowering and positive ones.
The goal is to liberate oneself from limiting, non-supportive and toxic generational patterns by consciously choosing a different path. This includes consciously and intentionally designing and creating one’s life based on authentic desires and values rather than reacting to past conditioning.
This process encourages individuals to live authentically and align their actions with their values and their true selves. It involves tapping into the most genuine and honest aspects of who they are and using that authenticity to create the life they truly desire.
There is immense potential for personal transformation by becoming aware of the subconscious programming rooted in early childhood experiences in breaking free from past conditioning and living a more authentic and fulfilling life. This is a powerful journey of self-discovery and intentional change.
It is possible and necessary to learn to live above and beyond the conditioning we have been subjected to as children.
It is possible to break away from and heal the generational trauma and take responsibility for our lives.
As a mindfulness practitioner and life-design consultant, I help clients focus on well-being and personal growth and make life choices that prioritize their mental and emotional health in alignment with their core values. This leads to personal freedom and independence allowing the person to blossom and manifest the life they deserve. Reach out if you require help and guidance.